Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
