i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
