you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
