why do cheetos always look like penises
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
