I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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