we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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