I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
