just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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