we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize