You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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