I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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