well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
