and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
