mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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