I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
