I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
