Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
