Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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