That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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