hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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