farters have to be the big spoon...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
