I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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