Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My ass is underappreciated
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
