can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
