Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
