so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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