i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
