I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
All I want is dick and wine.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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