her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
