we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize