So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
