I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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