My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
