i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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