Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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