You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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