Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
