you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
