Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
