I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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