Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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