Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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