How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
