i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
