i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize