he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
