Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
