I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
