He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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