Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
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