zippers are such a cool invention
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
