there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
