my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
