it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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