I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
