I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
