Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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