Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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