Whod you bang
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
