He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
