Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
