I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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