Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
do herpes really smell.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
