it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize