Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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