cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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