Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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