dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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