we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
