my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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