Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize