What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
