she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize