Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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