How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
