I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
